My heart is beating a little too fast for my taste.
I think I'm in depression again or something. I was complaining in my head about my mom not giving me any allowance for the past week or so, plus my sister dumping load after load of marking on me when I haven't even finished the previous loads.
Then it all came to a head today. I was recovering from a bout of sore throat-cold-and-flu today when I left for work. My mom said, "Nak duit tak?" at the absolute last minute as I was leaving the house. I grunted, "Takpe," which could have been interpreted in any way, of course. So she let me leave ungraciously. [As in, I left the house ungraciously.] THEN, I realised I forgot my apron so I had to let myself back in to get it. Then I left again.
Went to the carpark where Baby was on the third level. Three flights of stairs up. I was crying quietly all the way up. I inserted my key in, but before I managed to kickstart, I was taking, deep, loud breaths which scared me, and made me cry even more. I tried to calm down but I was still taking those deep scary breaths. So after long, unsuccessful minutes of trying to calm myself down, I made my way back home again.
My mom rushed to give me some ubat, but decided that I was okay to go to work anyway. Then she handed me back my house keys and a wad of $50 notes. I think they amounted to $300! I'm confused. I have no idea how she managed to realise that that was what I was worried about. But why $300? Isn't that a bit much? Even if she was trying to make up for the allowance she didn't give me, which, honestly speaking, she's not required to give me anymore anyway, that would be a full month's allowance! I'm confused.
Next, at work, I received an SMS from my sister assuring me she wouldn't be dumping anymore marking on me.
Now I'm really puzzled. Have my thoughts been broadcast out loud all this time?
Also, I'm suffering inside. Something inside me isn't working right. I'm afraid I'll die at any moment. I don't want to die yet. I'm not ready yet, God.
And I'm sorry for posting this here. Totally irrelevant to the theme and whatever. But it turns out I feel the most comfortable here.
Norainne at 10:44 pm
